How are you showing love, compassion and kindness to yourself today? Coming from and staying in this state of BEING #love ❤️is easier said than done (as all things are), but when it comes to ourselves especially, it can feel like moving mountains ⛰
We find it easier to give and receive love from others but when compassion and kindness for ourselves comes up, we have a way easier time beating ourselves up and using words like, “could have, should have, need to, have to and can’t.” These words can sound benign but they undermine us at a deep level. And this is actually most often our default mode.
I hear from FitMamas daily, “I am my worst enemy.” Just because this is common, this does not mean it’s okay!
My daily mission is to be the opposite of that for myself first (pure unconditional love) and by being it, I’m giving you permission to be that too.
Your own biggest supporter, fan and advocate.
To just BE love.
I still have days and weeks where my deep-seated regret, anger and frustration towards me for the back injury that I gave to myself almost 3 years ago brings me to my knees in tears.
Even though I’ve been rehabbing, surrendering and healing, I still feel myself feeling sorry for myself and reacting in a way that doesn’t serve me or those around me.
I’ve been helping countless moms show love to themselves through embracing where they’re at, honouring their needs and rehabbing their core postpartum and though my back still hurts me physically, mentally and emotionally each day, helping others gives me strength.
I can honestly say it’s been the best life lesson I could have created and I am learning to embody my body in a whole new way.
The only words that seem to bring solace on the hard days is “I forgive you Jen.”
Because deep down I know I deserve it.
I know that in admitting this and forgiving myself a little more each day, I can keep supporting others and it will in turn support me in healing my pain.
Thank you for being on this journey with me! I am here to support you to forgive yourself daily for your imperfections. Knowing they are perfect.
Forgiveness has truly been my window to living pain free inside and out. I know it works and it’s the start of something much deeper.
What words to yourself move you into a state of grace, reverence and self love?
Please join us in our Facebook Group where we are sharing mindful self love daily <3
Join us for a 5 Day Core Connection Challenge!
Want to learn to exercise safely (without peeing your pants), feel stronger in your core and feel connected and in control of your body?
Doing this challenge daily for 5 days will give you a deeper understanding of the what and how that go into strengthening your roots.
Want to know what that means? It’s all about feeling good from within. Breathing love into your body and embracing, nurturing and enjoying the body you’re in right now.
Connecting your mind to the deep inner core unit of your body will allow for a transformation you may not have been expecting.
Rehabilitating. Healing. Strengthening.
Wherever on the journey you are at.
Join us in the FitMama Facebook Community to connect and learn more.
See you online!
How is 2017 going for you so far?
I was LIVE in our amazing FitMama Facebook Community talking about self love and it needed to be shared here! Check it out! My top 3 strategies to kick your butt lovingly into gear – daily! All year long.
Want to have a chat about what’s been stopping you from feeling your best? You can book in with me, I’ve opened my calendar for the next two weeks, first come first served https://calendly.com/jenoliver/callme/
After ringing in a new year, it’s easy to focus on the things we still need/want to work on, but today, take time to celebrate your wins!
Not avoidance or repeating daily the same old habits and stories we replay in our heads, but practice.
Why? Because you are SO much more than what you look like, weigh, wear, own, or know.
No guilt, regret, shame, self loathing, comparing, restricting, denial, and so on, you know what your own pattern is.
Who’s up for some more Self Love?!
1.5 cups buckwheat flour
¼ cup ground flax seed
1 tbsp cinnamon
2 tbsp coconut sugar
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp baking powder
¼ tsp salt
1 cup plain greek yogurt
1.5 cups almond or coconut milk
¼ cup melted coconut oil
non-stick coconut oil cooking spray (for waffle iron)
Mix all wet ingredients (eggs, yogurt, milk, coconut oil) and beat with whisk until smooth.
Whisk together dry ingredients separately then combine.
Stir until combined and smooth (try to not over mix though).
Add to waffle iron and cook for 5-7 minutes depending on iron temp and settings.
Top with berries, bananas, hemp or chia seeds, real maple syrup or other toppings of choice
One of the most common questions I get from FitMamas is “How do I get my body back now that my baby is born?”
The truth is, the answer is far more simple than anyone realizes.
No, really. BREATHE.
Click play and I will tell you all about it.
Please comment and let me know what you think!
I was so inspired by Jen’s FitMama ‘Unfuck Yourself’ challenge that I decided to continue the theme. While we can’t return you to virginity, there is way more hope for your pelvic floor than you may have been led to believe.
The first step to pelvic floor healing is to recognize when there is an issue.
As a pelvic floor physiotherapist, I spend a lot of time educating people about the difference between ‘common’ and ‘normal’. It is common to have some bladder issues with pregnancy and postpartum. Likewise with back or pelvic pain. Painful sex is also common after having a baby. Your pelvic floor has been through a trauma and it is to be expected that your body may not feel quite the same thereafter, so have patience with yourself as you recover. But, it is important to know that it is not ‘normal’ to be in pain and to have incontinence in the long term.
The second step to pelvic floor healing is to know that there is help. We are inundated with advertisements about incontinence garments and prescription options, but those assume that your problems are irreversible and provide ways to cope. Pelvic floor physiotherapy should be part of postpartum follow-up to help women address these issues. In fact, seeking the work prior to delivery can be beneficial in helping to circumvent or decrease the severity of such problems—which is definitely worth it, particularly if you have had painful periods or other gynaecological issues in the past that may be indicative of pre-existing pelvic floor issues.
The third step is to get that pelvic floor assessment from a qualified pelvic floor physiotherapist and follow-up. I know moms don’t have a lot of time for self-care, but this is important!! There is an assumption that after childbirth, everything will just be all stretched out and doing Kegels will make it all okay, but this may not be the underlying problem for everyone. While there is no denying that things get stretched out, there is also an element of trauma, scar tissue, injury, or stress that can also create restrictions or tightness in the tissue. It is important to have tightness addressed before weakness when treating the pelvic floor in order to retrain it properly, as proceeding with strengthening without addressing the tightness can actually make things worse.
There are a couple of bonus steps that are critical at any and all stages of pelvic floor healing. The first is to listen to your body. This is critical in recognizing when there is an issue to seek help, and throughout the process of treatment to re-connect with your pelvis and what is going on down there. The second is a step that I think we can all take for one another, which is to talk about the issues and encourage one another. There are any number of pelvic pain syndromes and gynaecological conditions that happen at any stage of life that can benefit from pelvic floor physiotherapy, but they seem to be either accepted as normal or viewed as too shameful to discuss so people do not get the help they need.
We need to know that it is possible to reclaim our bodies—to unfuck them, as it were. There is help and the journey starts with education; seek a qualified pelvic floor physiotherapist to guide you.
Shannon is a registered physiotherapist, myofascial release practitioner, and pelvic floor physiotherapist at the Integrative Health Institute in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. You can email her at email@example.com
Do you know how many days there are until the end of the year?
As of the writing of this blog there are less than 75 days until the New Year. Holy Crap Right?!
I am willing to bet that you detected a tiny bit (HUGE AMOUNT) of panic upon reading this. So much still to do and time to do it is shortening.
We spend so much of our time rushing, feeling stressed and like we have so much to do and no time. Not a pleasant place to be right? The question is, how can we not when we obviously have a ton to do and time is always ticking.
I am going to share with you my top three tips to Hush The Rush so that you can inhabit your busy life with calm.
1.) Daily Practice
2.) Listening to your body
3.) Finding joy through daily gratitude.
Check out this video where I break these down 🙂
See you online in our FitMama Facebook Community!!!
Today we are talking about the idea of managing our obligations. This is a tough one for us as women, as mothers, as sisters and as friends. We have this desire as women to help others, to do things for others. Not only help them, but doing it for them. It’s very natural for us to be this way. I know myself, I love helping people, and I do things too often without thinking things over first.
So, the truth is, way too many of us feel guilty.
The stats are out.
Mom’s feel guilty.
We feel guilty because there is no way we can to it all, but there is no way we can. We want to help that person, do this thing and support that all at the same time. We want that! It’s totally normal, but the fact is that it is not realistic and it’s not going to help you flourish as a Fitmama. It’s just not. Saying yes to everyone and doing everything for everyone else is not going to get you to where you want to be.
It’s true. I don’t even have to know you or what you want to be able to say that. It’s the truth. You cannot have too many obligations going out. We must must must manage these obligations. So, I always say to Fitmamas “You know you can say no right?”. I know, it’s a tough one. It takes practice.
The comment that I hear most is that you are overwhelmed, so busy, have too much to do. That’s what this is about. It’s about managing all these things that we think we have to do.
Obligations are made up of three things; your needs, your wants and your responsibilities. We have all of them. We have our own needs and wants and our responsibilities to those around us. For us to start managing these things we need to start thinking about what our wants really are, and what our responsibilities really. And that takes really looking inside. I believe that writing really helps us get stuff out of our head. All the time we think “I know what I need to do, I know what I’m thinking and I know what I really want.”
Not until we write things down do we get a really good sense of it. This doesn’t really require us to have any good writing skills or to be great at poetry or anything. The key thing is just getting it out, and to start having the conversation with yourself about what you really want. When it comes to managing our obligations, we have so many things going on that we need to really take an inventory of what’s really going on and to see what’s really going on that we don’t want to be doing so we can get in alignment with what we really want. Until we write those down we often don’t know what they are, we can’t articulate them to ourselves or to anyone else.
When it comes to the needs, wants and responsibilities, when we start to look deeply at them, what comes clear is this idea of assigning someone else to help you out. This is a BIG ONE. We are always going to be talking about enlisting others into our lives. When we are stressed or overwhelmed it’s often because we have too much going on, and so we need to start assigning things to others.
Let’s assign small tasks to other people, like the lunches you have to make for your kids, like the cupcakes that you have to make for that party you are going to. When you get to responsibilities and your wants, these things you start to have to ask for help to be able to maintain these things. When you have responsibilities that you know need to be done and you have wants that you know you want to get done, it’s about asking for help. Let’s get someone in here to help me to make sure that all of this goes down. The word that I want you to think of is assess. When it comes to responsibilities we are asking for help and we are assessing. This goes back to the innerness piece. Why? Why is it that we want to do the things we want to do? What is that about? This is where we start to assess and from there we get in to that beautiful place where we are able to flourish. We assign other people tasks because we realize we don’t need to do everything ourselves. At this point we are really consistently asking “is this what I want?” If it’s not we can reassess, go back to the drawing board. This is not some static thing to get to and then you’re there. It’s an evolution. It’s a way of life. Something that works today, may not work another day, and so everyday needs to be a new day. It’s about the intentions in behind it.
You know that you can say no, right?
We have to start exercising that.
You are the leader of your family, perhaps in business or in your community as well. It’s important that you come to the place where you know being busy is good, but it’s YOU that has to say no to that additional thing, going to that birthday party that you are being asked to commit to. Taking that step back, realizing that you are the leader in the family and you can make those decisions to set those boundaries. You can choose to make decisions that more reflect what you really want.
So, the three things I am going to leave you with to help you manage those obligations, those things that you are obligated towards (or are you?)
1.) Practice saying no – It’s such a big thing. The next time that someone asks you for something, pause, really assess the situation and ask yourself “am I going to say yes? Am I going to assign it to someone else? Or am I going to say no?” Even for the big things, I am always practising this, pausing and assessing whether or not it’s going to work. I used to work the other way, saying yes to everything and then not really being able to live the way I truly wanted to live. Other people will take you away if you don’t own your own time and manage your obligations.
2.) Clarify your boundaries – This is another writing assignment. Take out your journal and ask yourself “What ARE my boundaries?” Maybe this means not going out with the girls on a school night when you need to get up with your kids in the morning. Maybe this means only doing one sport for your kids on the weekend. Managing obligations allows you to be open to what your boundaries are and the ability to say no. It takes some practice.
3.) Let go of using the word guilt – this is important, to let go of the idea of using the word and feeling the feeling for not doing something that you feel you ought to have done. There are very real risks to taking on too much. Illness, pain, cancer and other problems that people can’t cope with on their own, they need to seek professional help.
When we say that we will do stuff for ourself later, it overrides our natural needs and send us into this place where we are only helping others and not fuelling our own tank. This leaves you very susceptible to go down the path of illness, and not taking care of yourself. Let’s nip that in the bud by really being proactive and managing our obligations.
You can say no, you know?
YOU CAN SAY NO.
Go out there and practice it.
Once you have that integrity piece and you implement it, you gain confidence. You can take people’s opinions or leave them based on what you are working towards.
When you have integrity and you idealize, you can really commit. You can go all in. You can commit to doing the work that you need to do to work towards the outcome that you want. You are realistic that it may end differently than you plan, but you commit to doing what you need to do to get where you want to be.
When you idealize and implement this allows you to give up the outcome while maintaining the commitment to do whatever you can to create what you want. This is you controlling the controllable and letting go of what you cannot control.
This is about setting the bar higher, while at the same time being open minded. Not being disillusioned or completely delusional about how things could turn out, but being open minded and setting the bar for yourself higher. letting go of those voices that are telling you that you aren’t good enough, that you’re not worthy. Whatever it is you are feeling this negativity around changes when you begin to maximize your expectations. Right there in the centre where all these things come together is the sweet spot of FLOURISHING as a Fitmama, right where you are today. Allowing you to set up those things that you need to set up to keep you aligned with that goal.
Three things I am going to leave you with to help you maximize your expectations of yourself.
1.) Daydream! – Yep! This is your homework. If you did this as a youngster, you were told to smarten up I bet. Have a purpose to daydream and imagine all that could be because all that could be, can be if you want it to be. Allow yourself to start dreaming big. Get back to that place that you were in as a kid with the curiosity and wonderment. Open your mind to the possibilities that could be. Do some work around this, take some time and implement this. Sit down with your journal and take the time to daydream.
2.) Choose who to ask the right questions to – Who’s validation are you seeking? Who are you asking these questions to? It’s very important the questions we ask, not only to others, but of ourselves. A lot of the time I think to myself “I am not even going to ask this question to this person because I know what they are going to tell me.” Maybe. Maybe not. Consider before you ask, what are you looking for from this person? Are you seeking validation? Is this person someone you want to seek validation from? Consider this when you ask even simple questions. Simple but powerful questions to ask yourself when you are taking big actions or big risks.
3.) Aim high and COMMIT! – and then don’t compare yourself to anyone else. If I compared myself to everyone else who told me a story about birth that was traumatic and painful and long I may not have been open to the possibility that I could have a quick and almost pain free birth. No two things can be exactly the same, and if we want to emulate someone, if we look just at the surface it might not be telling us everything we need to know.
Get out there and DO IT! Start to maximize your expectations for yourself. This helps you not only in that innerness and enjoying yourself piece of being a fitmama, it also can spread out to all other areas of your life.